Wednesday, February 08, 2006

1001 Greatest Pop Songs Of All Time - #22 - Club Kung-Fu by Vanilla Ninja

Alyson: The next time some slack minded waster with too much time on his hands comes out and bemonds downloading music, they might want to reflect on the amazing barrier deconstruction this had lead to - believe me, when I was young, 30 seconds of a song from America was an amazing, and quite wonderful treat, while you waited the 6 months for Straight Up to be released. Now, you can keep easy and simple track of charts from all over the world, which is wonderful if your own charts, like Australia's, are bloody awful. For tucked away in the recesses of the world are amazing acts waiting for YOU to go out and discover them - which is why, in the middle of a depressing run of #1 singles for the likes of Akon and Nitty, last year, in the midst of downloading despair, I stumbled upon the greatest girl band on the planet - Vanilla Ninja.

The Ninja, for the unitiated, come from the land of estonia, or 'Stonia as I call it, and comprised Maarja (later replaced seamlessly by identical twin Triinu), Katrin, Piret and Lenna in the year of 2003. They are so popular in their home land, Club Kung Fu was written and perfected purely for Song For 'Stonia, complete with a Kung Fu themed dance that involved thrust kicks, hand claps and general jumping around. The song itself is a classical piece of euro-pop aimed solely for the heart of eurovision, lasting just over two and a half minutes long, and carrying on like the best party you've ever heard for it's whole running time. It's an aggressive, in your face piece of joy pop to bounce along to and sing along to. Of course, for a song of such tremendous fun, there's a lot to enjoy. Cheap and cheerful Chinese sound effects such a big Rank style gong and some fabulous Oriental themed guitar, and some of the greatest lyrics committed to song: "Hear that DJ playing a record/best thing, after Def Leppard" and such like girl chants designed to stick in the brain rock through the speakers and crackle and fizz with pure pop excitement. The girls themselves are the cherry on a delicious cake - fiesty, glamorous and full of energy, they tear into their work with an almost sinister joy - in this case, they sound posessed and determined to get in eurovision. Club Kung Fu is such a riot of colour, sound and movement, and yes, bad dancing, it'd charm the frown off a Bob Facking Dylan fan.

And now, to the point of this post, which is to use the phrase Michael Fucking Ball as many times as possible. Have I said Michael Fucking Ball enough yet? Well I'll say it again, Michael Fucking Ball. At the song for 'Stonia competition, the Ninja stormed the public vote with 66.5% of the population saying, yes, please, send the Ninja to eurovision - but no, for there was also a panel vote, and on that panel was Michael Fucking Ball, and guess what? He had the Ninja NINTH (NINTH!) which meant no Ninja at eurovision - Michael Fucking Ball, who wouldn't know a good tune if it smacked him in his benny mush, judged it not worthy. Frankly, I think that proves my point. One of the most wonderous, demented pop thrashes of the last 10 years, and an absolute joy, so worthy of a place on this list.

And oddly, no place on it for Michael Fucking Ball...


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